This isn't quite so true as to what day i'm writing all this. Eg the first paragraph continues on from the last and i wrote it yesterday, i just hadn't written it before posting the blog, and i'm not yet stopping for tonight =) i'm past 3,000 words now, which is more than i have ever done before =D
A bush started rustling just a meter away, panicking, thinking about cannibals and other horrors lurking in the shadows she sprinted away running deeper and deeper into the jungle. Dodging low lying branches, fallen logs, and vines she continued her flight through the jungle. Skidding to a halt, Julie suddenly realised just how crazy she was being. running from shadows and being scared of ghosts, this was no the way to survive and now she was lost in the middle of the jungle, no source of food or water. Julie swore at herself for being so stupid and kicked out at a tree in frustration. Pain shot through her toes and through her foot. Swearing again she fell to the ground clutching her foot and started to cry. Over whelmed with loneliness and hopelessness she didn't want to go on. Everything was useless, she was stuck without rescue and was going to die on this island, alone and with no one to care for her. She was ready to give up.
Light dimmed and a cold breeze filtered it's way down through the canopy. Julie shuddered still curled up on the jungle, she hugged herself and started to cry again. It was some time before the first drops of rain could make their way through the canopy, but Julie remained, getting slowly colder and slightly wet. Her throat still burned with thirst, she knew she wouldn't last much longer without water, so she sat against a tree and waited miserably till the inevitable happened. She watched the rain filter down through the leaves, catching on branches and trickling to the ground where it pooled in slight depressions on the ground. She watched the insects scurry around between their shelters, wondering at rain must seem to them. One drop of rain could satisfy the thirst of a whole community of ants.
Slowly Julie began to realise that she wasn't without water after all. If she could just collect the rain, which fell so freely around her she could have enough to drink, for now. Scolding herself for again being so stupid she bent over a small pool of water and raised cupped hands of water to her mouth. The water was murky, tasted like dirt and probably contained various diseases, to Julie it tasted like life.
After scrambling around the floor Julie had gathered several large, still green leaves and laid them down overlapping to make a floor to catch water. She could get a few mouthfuls of water this way but it would not be enough to survive. She drank water where ever she could find it, in puddles, on leaves or even in the hollows of a few trees and she had climbed a couple trees to gather some ripe fruit. Feeling reasonably satisfied and feeling better about surviving she sat below a tree trying to decide what to do next.
She could easily stay here in the jungle where the sun didn't bother her, she had fruit and rain water but she doubted it would last long. She would have no way of getting to rescuers if they ever arrived and she still had no idea about the frequency of rain. She tried to avoid thinking about what to do about food if she ended up staying past the time when fruit could be easily gathered from trees.
Attempting to return to the beach might just end up with her being even more lost than she already was and she could stumble and severely injure herself on the trek. Her foot was still sore in any case and her didn't much like the idea of wandering around in a jungle alone. But she was hopeful that she could at very least find a small pond of stream to set up camp beside so she could have water when the rains stopped.
Julie decided that there was nothing else to do but to go in search of some place better suited to her survival. If she stayed she would surely perish and if she went she at least had some chance of living, however lonely that might end up being. She drank the last of her collected water and a couple of the yellow fruit she had picked but not yet eaten and rose slowly to her feet. Testing her sore foot she put pressure on different parts of her foot and wiggled her toes. Her foot was still a little tender but shouldn't prove too much of a problem. She looked around and picked a direction at random and started to walk. After her flight through the forest she had forgotten to take note of which direction came from, not that it would have done much difference if she had.
Julie trudged barefoot through the now slightly muddy jungle for most of the day, stopping only occasionally to drink some water gather on leaves, to eat some fruit or to relieve herself as she needed. She had seen nothing but trees, plants and the occasional brightly coloured bird. Everything looked the same and for all she knew she could have been wandering in circles all day. On the verge on giving up again, Julie sat heavy in the mud to rest. She closed her eyes and listened to the sounds of the jungle. Rustling leaves, chirping insects, warbling birds and a soft tinkling sound which was vaguely familiar yet Julie couldn't remember what it was. She sat pondering, straining her ears to listen past the rest of the cacophony to place where she had heard it. Then it hit her and memories came flooding back.
She was six years old and walking through a nature trail with her grandma. Old trees covered with moss and lichen stood tall over her head, bushes covered with bright ripe berries and watching birds hop from branch to branch, mocking her. She had hated it as a child, she grew up in the city with her single mum and was more into shopping than looking at trees. Years later, after her grandma had passed on, she cherished those memories and realised that she should pay more attention to nature, she had even briefly wished to move to the country to live with her extended family. But that was a passing phase of a teenager who moved through moods and life goals faster than a car speeding down the highway. Julie smiled as she remembered her grandma jumping into a stream with her floral print dress. Julie and lost her footing and slipped into the stream and was starting to be washed away. She had been terrified then but her grandma didn't tell on her, instead they sat in the grass of a meadow, listening to the magical tickling of the stream, to dry off.
Julie opened her eyes and tried to pin point the location of the sound, now she could remember it was the sound of water playfully rolling down rocks and feeding life into the land around it. Smiled to herself she set off again, feeling like everything would soon be alright.
It was a few hours before sunset and Julie was spread out on the grass in a small meadow beside the stream. It was a small stream, only two meters across and half a meter deep. It wound it's way through the jungle, crossing the far side of the clearing beside a small bank of rocks. The meadow was a rough oval shape, 10 meters across and covered in grass and small flowers with a tall mango tree in the center. It was peaceful here and Julie was happy. If she was to never see civilized land again, she decided this is where she would like to live out the rest of her days.
As Julie lay snoozing in the grass the sun started dropping in the sky, covering the meadow in an orange glow. A cool breeze started blowing through the meadow and Julie awoke shivering from the chill. She hadn't many clothes left and the dress once fashionable she had worn on the boat was now muddy and tattered. It wasn't designed for the harsh elements of a tropical island and Julia mused at the thought of 'going native' and wearing a grass skirt and coconut bikini you would see on TV. Though she doubted that would give her much protection from the weather, nor would it be comfortable. Instead she would have to build a hut to keep herself warm and out of the rain.
Julie looked around gathering sticks, fallen leaves and branches, and piled them up on one side of the meadow. She frowned at the meager resources she had found, none would be very suitable for a weather proof shelter. She needed long poles to make a frame and some for or material to use a roof but she would no be able to find either on this island. She wandered around the edge of the meadow looking at everything and trying to decide a use for every single plant she saw. She found some small trees, no more than three meters tall. They had thin, straight and slightly flexible trucks but were a bit too thick for her to easily snap to use as support poles. She would need an axe to cut the trees and remove the excess branches. Julie sighed, everything way she turned she could needed something from her civilized world to make even the most crude of shelters. She was gaining a respect for people who lived thousands years ago with no tools except rocks.
She picked over the rocks along the edge of the stream, hopeful that she might find one with a sharp enough edge to saw down a few small saplings. As the light faded to grey and Julie lost sight of the stones in front of her, she sighed with resignation and curled up beneath the mango tree. Pulling a few leaves over herself she fell into a fitful sleep with dreams full of beasts lurking in bushes and cannibals hiding behind trees.
Julie was slow in waking the next morning, she felt no need to rush around and she thought she may as well enjoy her time here, whether she would ever be found or not. the sun was just getting high enough to peek over the tops of the trees and warm the meadow when Julie finally crawled out from under her pile of leaves. She still felt a bit of last nights chill, lucky it hadn't started to rain and she was sure the leaves had helped a little. In the winter she would need to find some kind of blanket or covering so she wouldn't freeze, though she didn't think it would ever get that cold in the tropics it couldn't hurt to be prepared.
She got up and walked over to the stream, took and drink then headed off to relieve herself in the jungle. While eating some freshly picked fruits Julie thought about everything she would need to do for her camp so she could survive for a long time. She made lists in her head as she continued picking over rocks, and promised to herself that by the end of the day she would have some poles to made a hut frame and an area set aside for waste.
At last she came across a rock with an edge that could possibly be used to hack down a small tree. It was about palm sized and semi-circular, it looked like it had been broken in two at some point. Julie smiled and walked over to a sapling about two meters high and started to hack at the base. She tried both sawing and chopping with the stone but it mostly just tired Julie with doing little damage to the tree. When about half way through the trunk she stood stiffly and stretched then kicked the tree just above the cut with the base of her foot. It make a snapping sound and nearly broke off the base. Triumphantly she cheered and started alternating hacking and kicked the truck until it broke free. She pulled the tree with weak arms back to the clearing and sank to the ground laughing. It was hard work, but she had taken her first step towards survival and was feeling rather pleased with herself.
By midday she had cut down four more small trees which she left beside the mango tree while she rinsed off sweat in the stream. She felt odd at first, washing in the same water she would drink from though she knew it really wasn't as it was all probably washed out to sea. She thought for a moment about if she should follow the stream out to sea, but decided better of it. There was nothing to gain by heading to the beaches, she had the perfect place to build a camp and she would focus on that before adventuring further.
Saturday, November 5
Friday, November 4
NaNoWriMo
Wow i'm getting writers block every two seconds -_- hopefully i can get better. So yea my novel is pretty shit so far and only just past the 1,000 word mark yet it's day 4 (3 for americans)
Moonlight danced on the ocean, illuminating the soft lapping peaks of waves, stars whirled in unison to the whistling tune of the breeze, and all was peaceful and calm.
Electricity shot through the air, tearing between ugly blots of grey blocking the heavens from view. The wind whipped up the water rocking in fear of the booms from above. Fire lit the sky and screams tore the silence of midnight. Fear was thick and froze the passage of time. Hearts chilled with ice.
After what seemed like years, the moon again started to dance with his companions; and the world was once again at peace.
Part one
Julie felt her body jolt back to life and started violently throwing up water. Salt burned her throat, deeply scratching the soft, delicate tissue. Sunlight, reflecting off the sand glared and she flinched away from the brilliance holding up her arm to block the rays. She stayed on her knees leaning forward till her head stop swimming and her eyes adjusted. Seeing a patch of shade several meters away she crawled, flinching again when fire shot across her skin and her muscles screamed in agony. The world grew fuzzy and she sank back into the sand. When she next opened her eyes it was dark and a cool breeze chilled the fire on her skin enough for her to raise herself to a sitting position. though her throat still burned and her head still foggy she was able to take in her surroundings. sand stretched out in both directions till cliff walls rose up and blocked them from continuing on to the rest of the world. The beach was slightly curved to embrace the ocean and its dance with the moon. small waves broke and rolled gently in towards Julie to lap her toes. Behind her
what she could only describe as a jungle. Tall trees reached towards the moon and stars with vines draping between them, embracing all within grasp.The tree she sat beside bent low over a deep pool fed by channel to the sea. It stood solitary and alone, more brave than his peers for he was the farthest out and could dip his toes in the sea should he wish. Yet the rest would have to be satisfied with dirt for eternity. He was a proud tree, even if he did hang low. Though that could only because of the multitude of bright yellow fruit which
had laden down his branches. The source of his pride made him bow to that which supplied him the essential water to create something to be proud of. This humored Julie somewhat and she rose precariously to her feet to bow to the mighty, proud tree.She was stiff, her skin still burned and pulled tight over her aching muscles but in the cool night breeze she was able to move somewhat easier than earlier though she was in no mood for climbing trees or building a hut. She still had no idea where she was or for how long she had been lying in the sand but she was in no position to start questioning the strange workings of the universe. She just knew her stomach rumbled, unsatisfied and hungry. Reaching upwards, Julie plucked a ripe fruit from the tree, thanking him for his gift then raised it to her mouth and started to eat. It was slightly hard but the bright yellow flesh was juicy and helped to tame the burning in her throat as well as the rumbling of her stomach. After two more fruit Julie was feeling sick from the sweetness and sank back into the sand. Resting her forehead on her knees and leaning against the tree she again began to feel dizzy and decided she would sleep now and find somewhere else to stay when she had light again. When Julie awoke to a bright orange glowing sun just peeking over the horizon. She could already feel its heat starting to press down on her. Today would be just as hot as the last and it was essential to find water and shelter. Her memory was slowly creeping back as she rose and stretched. Loud crashes and bright flashes of light, then fire, screams and darkness. She had been sent on a working holiday, to review the latest private romance cruises. about 50 people in their early twenties had been sent off on a boat in hopes of finding love. Julie had no time for romance herself. Work was far more important, which is probably why her boss sent her away for the several weeks. She thought she would have hated it, no boss to please and only one story to focus on. However, after the first week she was starting to relax and think less and less about how someone else would be weaseling past her to gain that promotion next
year she had be dieing for. Two nights ago a tropic storm had appeared out of nowhere throwing their vessel around in high swells. Thunder had crashed, lighting flashed and rain poured down. The dream holiday immediately turned into a violent nightmare. The last Julie could remember was hearing screams and sliding down the pitching deck towards the water.Standing the shade of her tree she took another look around the beach, this time searching for a suitable place to build a shelter. Large black clouds were starting to form over the water threatening to land on the island and put her back in grave danger. If Julie was to ever survive and get back to civilization she would have to think and plan ahead. She had no idea about what the seasons were
like on this island, nor what food was safe to eat which but her in a pretty poor situation to survive till rescue could arrive. The beach curved inwards and was perhaps a quarter of a kilometer long with sharp rocky outcrops poking out into the sea. So Junie was prevented from getting around the island on the beach. a small inlet lead from the ocean towards a small lagoon where she stood the other side was surrounded by a thick jungle. As the beach was so open to the elements she would have to go to the jungle in search of suitable shelter.Crouching down Julie tasted the water in the lagoon to see if it was suitable to drink, it was salty and stung her mouth. She still had no drinking water and was incredibly thirsty. Water then shelter she decided. So she set off, quickly walking across the scorching sand, past the lagoon and into the shade of the palm tree jungle. Trees reached up above her head creating a thick canopy which blocked out most of the sun. Everything was so green, coming from a city Julie was used to grey solid blocks of concrete towering in straight rows. Here everything felt so ancient and so untouched by humans, Julie felt humbled and slightly afraid. The though of humans reminded her of how alone she was out here and she wasn't sure if she wanted company from some unknown civilization of cannibals.
copy pasta from notepad does weird shit to the paragraphs and cbfed fixing it. i removed all the extra enters it added that's good enough
Moonlight danced on the ocean, illuminating the soft lapping peaks of waves, stars whirled in unison to the whistling tune of the breeze, and all was peaceful and calm.
Electricity shot through the air, tearing between ugly blots of grey blocking the heavens from view. The wind whipped up the water rocking in fear of the booms from above. Fire lit the sky and screams tore the silence of midnight. Fear was thick and froze the passage of time. Hearts chilled with ice.
After what seemed like years, the moon again started to dance with his companions; and the world was once again at peace.
Part one
Julie felt her body jolt back to life and started violently throwing up water. Salt burned her throat, deeply scratching the soft, delicate tissue. Sunlight, reflecting off the sand glared and she flinched away from the brilliance holding up her arm to block the rays. She stayed on her knees leaning forward till her head stop swimming and her eyes adjusted. Seeing a patch of shade several meters away she crawled, flinching again when fire shot across her skin and her muscles screamed in agony. The world grew fuzzy and she sank back into the sand. When she next opened her eyes it was dark and a cool breeze chilled the fire on her skin enough for her to raise herself to a sitting position. though her throat still burned and her head still foggy she was able to take in her surroundings. sand stretched out in both directions till cliff walls rose up and blocked them from continuing on to the rest of the world. The beach was slightly curved to embrace the ocean and its dance with the moon. small waves broke and rolled gently in towards Julie to lap her toes. Behind her
what she could only describe as a jungle. Tall trees reached towards the moon and stars with vines draping between them, embracing all within grasp.The tree she sat beside bent low over a deep pool fed by channel to the sea. It stood solitary and alone, more brave than his peers for he was the farthest out and could dip his toes in the sea should he wish. Yet the rest would have to be satisfied with dirt for eternity. He was a proud tree, even if he did hang low. Though that could only because of the multitude of bright yellow fruit which
had laden down his branches. The source of his pride made him bow to that which supplied him the essential water to create something to be proud of. This humored Julie somewhat and she rose precariously to her feet to bow to the mighty, proud tree.She was stiff, her skin still burned and pulled tight over her aching muscles but in the cool night breeze she was able to move somewhat easier than earlier though she was in no mood for climbing trees or building a hut. She still had no idea where she was or for how long she had been lying in the sand but she was in no position to start questioning the strange workings of the universe. She just knew her stomach rumbled, unsatisfied and hungry. Reaching upwards, Julie plucked a ripe fruit from the tree, thanking him for his gift then raised it to her mouth and started to eat. It was slightly hard but the bright yellow flesh was juicy and helped to tame the burning in her throat as well as the rumbling of her stomach. After two more fruit Julie was feeling sick from the sweetness and sank back into the sand. Resting her forehead on her knees and leaning against the tree she again began to feel dizzy and decided she would sleep now and find somewhere else to stay when she had light again. When Julie awoke to a bright orange glowing sun just peeking over the horizon. She could already feel its heat starting to press down on her. Today would be just as hot as the last and it was essential to find water and shelter. Her memory was slowly creeping back as she rose and stretched. Loud crashes and bright flashes of light, then fire, screams and darkness. She had been sent on a working holiday, to review the latest private romance cruises. about 50 people in their early twenties had been sent off on a boat in hopes of finding love. Julie had no time for romance herself. Work was far more important, which is probably why her boss sent her away for the several weeks. She thought she would have hated it, no boss to please and only one story to focus on. However, after the first week she was starting to relax and think less and less about how someone else would be weaseling past her to gain that promotion next
year she had be dieing for. Two nights ago a tropic storm had appeared out of nowhere throwing their vessel around in high swells. Thunder had crashed, lighting flashed and rain poured down. The dream holiday immediately turned into a violent nightmare. The last Julie could remember was hearing screams and sliding down the pitching deck towards the water.Standing the shade of her tree she took another look around the beach, this time searching for a suitable place to build a shelter. Large black clouds were starting to form over the water threatening to land on the island and put her back in grave danger. If Julie was to ever survive and get back to civilization she would have to think and plan ahead. She had no idea about what the seasons were
like on this island, nor what food was safe to eat which but her in a pretty poor situation to survive till rescue could arrive. The beach curved inwards and was perhaps a quarter of a kilometer long with sharp rocky outcrops poking out into the sea. So Junie was prevented from getting around the island on the beach. a small inlet lead from the ocean towards a small lagoon where she stood the other side was surrounded by a thick jungle. As the beach was so open to the elements she would have to go to the jungle in search of suitable shelter.Crouching down Julie tasted the water in the lagoon to see if it was suitable to drink, it was salty and stung her mouth. She still had no drinking water and was incredibly thirsty. Water then shelter she decided. So she set off, quickly walking across the scorching sand, past the lagoon and into the shade of the palm tree jungle. Trees reached up above her head creating a thick canopy which blocked out most of the sun. Everything was so green, coming from a city Julie was used to grey solid blocks of concrete towering in straight rows. Here everything felt so ancient and so untouched by humans, Julie felt humbled and slightly afraid. The though of humans reminded her of how alone she was out here and she wasn't sure if she wanted company from some unknown civilization of cannibals.
copy pasta from notepad does weird shit to the paragraphs and cbfed fixing it. i removed all the extra enters it added that's good enough
Friday, September 16
i was nearly right
Hi to Josie and Jordan too =)
i forgot to add on to the last blog post that i have put on about 10kg since i moved out of home and i can lift a 20kg box with one arm now. Oh and that i have been burnt twice, and the scars, sadly, faded within days of getting them.
my apartments a 'pig sty' as my mum used to say, or a 'bomb site' though i'm trying to get on top of the cleaning. I have awesome boots which make me feel like some kick ass zombie ass killing ninja. Manly because i got them right before watching Priest and they fit the whole post-apoc cowboy theme.
I go to the movies a lot now and i see most movies not long after they come out, and i've probably been to the cinemas more in the last year than i have my entire life eg. i've seen:
Hp 7 part 1
and part 2
The Green Lantern
Super 8
Friends with Benefits
Cowboys and Aliens
Priest
Horrible Bosses
Your Highness
Source Code
Paul
X-Men: first class
The Rise of the Planet of the Apes
So in short, i'm spending way too much money and i am clearly very bored. But i don't think i will be stopping any time soon.
I can't wait to visit everyone, i need some time away from the city. and from someone...
i forgot to add on to the last blog post that i have put on about 10kg since i moved out of home and i can lift a 20kg box with one arm now. Oh and that i have been burnt twice, and the scars, sadly, faded within days of getting them.
my apartments a 'pig sty' as my mum used to say, or a 'bomb site' though i'm trying to get on top of the cleaning. I have awesome boots which make me feel like some kick ass zombie ass killing ninja. Manly because i got them right before watching Priest and they fit the whole post-apoc cowboy theme.
I go to the movies a lot now and i see most movies not long after they come out, and i've probably been to the cinemas more in the last year than i have my entire life eg. i've seen:
Hp 7 part 1
and part 2
The Green Lantern
Super 8
Friends with Benefits
Cowboys and Aliens
Priest
Horrible Bosses
Your Highness
Source Code
Paul
X-Men: first class
The Rise of the Planet of the Apes
So in short, i'm spending way too much money and i am clearly very bored. But i don't think i will be stopping any time soon.
I can't wait to visit everyone, i need some time away from the city. and from someone...
Thursday, September 15
Bet you forgot i existed
Hi Rose and Rachel! (as far as i can tell you are the only two who still go to blogger)
Lots of things have happened since i last posted. lots i won't want to repeat on here and lots of stuff just sounds like i haven't been up to much anyway.
I still don't have any friends to hang out with. Things are still off and on with steven. I still love and hate my job. I still miss home, my friends and family. And i still get depressed that i won't ever see another frosty bulls morning.
Things that have happened; i'm in my second to last kitchen for this year, i have a second piercing in each ear, thinking about more and thinking about a tattoo and saving for a motorbike.
I applied for leave at the end of next month to visit my parents. Hopefully you guys will want to see me too. Only had about 3 or 4 people reply to the post i made, so most of 'the group' probably hate me now.
I'm planning to take my dedication ritual in just under 2 years, when i turn 21 so i can call myself a witch. I'm currently studying everything i can about paganism and magical properties of everything from colours and herbs to stones.
I'm going to start writing a novel to publish and i'm determined to complete NaNoWriMo in November. I have about a million story ideas i just have to start writing them.
I also won two medals at the culinary fare. Gold and silver. Gold for Hot presented cold static dish (which i had a shit load of help to do) and silver in the live apprentice competition. For the live, i arrived late and one of the executive chefs drove me. Which is rather embarrassing. He was nice though and offered to get me off work that day. But i said i could still do it. For the competitions i stayed behind every day at work for a week or so and the night before my static i left work then came back at 10pm, worked till 5am, got into a van with the other apprentices entering, put the dish on display, went back to work and worked till 3.30pm. I then stayed till around 9pm practicing for the live in the morning.
I had spent 24 hours at work, with a couple hours out at the fare and i had about 4 hours sleep that night before i had to go off to my live. After all that, i was only 2 points behind the other skycity apprentice who had entered. not too bad but i felt like death.
might write more later. probably won't as it seems no one cares anyway.
Lots of things have happened since i last posted. lots i won't want to repeat on here and lots of stuff just sounds like i haven't been up to much anyway.
I still don't have any friends to hang out with. Things are still off and on with steven. I still love and hate my job. I still miss home, my friends and family. And i still get depressed that i won't ever see another frosty bulls morning.
Things that have happened; i'm in my second to last kitchen for this year, i have a second piercing in each ear, thinking about more and thinking about a tattoo and saving for a motorbike.
I applied for leave at the end of next month to visit my parents. Hopefully you guys will want to see me too. Only had about 3 or 4 people reply to the post i made, so most of 'the group' probably hate me now.
I'm planning to take my dedication ritual in just under 2 years, when i turn 21 so i can call myself a witch. I'm currently studying everything i can about paganism and magical properties of everything from colours and herbs to stones.
I'm going to start writing a novel to publish and i'm determined to complete NaNoWriMo in November. I have about a million story ideas i just have to start writing them.
I also won two medals at the culinary fare. Gold and silver. Gold for Hot presented cold static dish (which i had a shit load of help to do) and silver in the live apprentice competition. For the live, i arrived late and one of the executive chefs drove me. Which is rather embarrassing. He was nice though and offered to get me off work that day. But i said i could still do it. For the competitions i stayed behind every day at work for a week or so and the night before my static i left work then came back at 10pm, worked till 5am, got into a van with the other apprentices entering, put the dish on display, went back to work and worked till 3.30pm. I then stayed till around 9pm practicing for the live in the morning.
I had spent 24 hours at work, with a couple hours out at the fare and i had about 4 hours sleep that night before i had to go off to my live. After all that, i was only 2 points behind the other skycity apprentice who had entered. not too bad but i felt like death.
might write more later. probably won't as it seems no one cares anyway.
Tuesday, June 14
So.... i'm not very good at thinking up meaningful titles
Well after all the fights and bs with steven lately, i have finally given up hope that we will ever work and that i can ever be with him again.
I thought it could, and would work out for us. I've been trying all week to make things better. But when he walks out. On another road trip for 4 days when he's only been back for 3 days. I can't handle it any more and i don't want to. I don't want to be with someone who isn't going to spend any time with me when i'm paying for all their food and rent.
And no shit, i only found out about this road trip at 8:30pm last night, the night before he had to go. He only found out 10 minutes before that. Now who wouldn't tell their boss to shove it up their.... if they found out that late. On top of that, he had time to text a work mate about it and not me, he told me and his he was taking today off work so we could spend time together (it's my weekend), he told me and his boss (and HIS boss) he wouldn't be doing any more road trips (this is the second he has gone on since then). On top of THAT we agreed he would pay for rent and food, it's been two weeks and he owes me $220 in rent and $60 for food.
So i really see no point in trying for this worthless shit. I think it's time to move on (or perhaps back)
I've been having a dream lately to move to England anyway. Maybe i will go work there for awhile after my apprenticeship. Might meet a guy with a hot European accent too XD
I thought it could, and would work out for us. I've been trying all week to make things better. But when he walks out. On another road trip for 4 days when he's only been back for 3 days. I can't handle it any more and i don't want to. I don't want to be with someone who isn't going to spend any time with me when i'm paying for all their food and rent.
And no shit, i only found out about this road trip at 8:30pm last night, the night before he had to go. He only found out 10 minutes before that. Now who wouldn't tell their boss to shove it up their.... if they found out that late. On top of that, he had time to text a work mate about it and not me, he told me and his he was taking today off work so we could spend time together (it's my weekend), he told me and his boss (and HIS boss) he wouldn't be doing any more road trips (this is the second he has gone on since then). On top of THAT we agreed he would pay for rent and food, it's been two weeks and he owes me $220 in rent and $60 for food.
So i really see no point in trying for this worthless shit. I think it's time to move on (or perhaps back)
I've been having a dream lately to move to England anyway. Maybe i will go work there for awhile after my apprenticeship. Might meet a guy with a hot European accent too XD
Tuesday, June 7
This thing called the 'hate bug'
I'm going to call it the hate bug or depression bug. The brief, and not so brief snippets of my friends lives i have seen lately has lead me to believe we all have the Hate Bug and i think we all need to go to rehab. aka all run away to a place with barely anything, set up tent and just have fun for a few days.
Though i don't think it will be for awhile. maybe, if we can plan something then maybe we can all get through this together knowing that we all have something good to look forward to. together.
Though i suppose i sound positive and a little happy right now. i'm not. this is exactly what you see when i'm struggling to cope. I'm even starting to lose my composure at work now. And after another horrible fight with steven last night, i just hate myself more.
It's hard digging yourself out of a hole when you can't see the top.
Though i don't think it will be for awhile. maybe, if we can plan something then maybe we can all get through this together knowing that we all have something good to look forward to. together.
Though i suppose i sound positive and a little happy right now. i'm not. this is exactly what you see when i'm struggling to cope. I'm even starting to lose my composure at work now. And after another horrible fight with steven last night, i just hate myself more.
It's hard digging yourself out of a hole when you can't see the top.
Monday, June 6
Sometimes
It just gets all too much. I'm sick of pretending. sick of lying. I can't keep this false mask of security. It's too hard now.
I'm not ok
I'm not happy
i'm completely alone in this stupid world and no one cares a little bit.
I have no friends, i have no family i can see.
those friends i did have are all gone. No one talks to me anymore. no one asks me to hang out, or go to the movies, to have a sleepover. I haven't been to a party in ages. No one's invited me.
And if i removed all the people who would actually talk to me on facebook, i would say i would have less than 10 people left there. And not even all them would talk to me, they are just people i would leave in a kind of respect.
hell in the last 2 weeks. As far as i can remember. I have only got texts from 4 different people and 1 phone call. Call from my mum, texts from Mum, Dad, my 'boyfriend'/room mate and matthew.
pretty sad.
and i think the only people to talk to me on facebook has been my dad, mum and matthew.
i love my job. but nothing else is worth it. i'm miserable. i'm alone. and i'm sick of kidding myself that my life is going to end up better, that i'm going to make up for having done nothing. i know it's not.
I'm not ok
I'm not happy
i'm completely alone in this stupid world and no one cares a little bit.
I have no friends, i have no family i can see.
those friends i did have are all gone. No one talks to me anymore. no one asks me to hang out, or go to the movies, to have a sleepover. I haven't been to a party in ages. No one's invited me.
And if i removed all the people who would actually talk to me on facebook, i would say i would have less than 10 people left there. And not even all them would talk to me, they are just people i would leave in a kind of respect.
hell in the last 2 weeks. As far as i can remember. I have only got texts from 4 different people and 1 phone call. Call from my mum, texts from Mum, Dad, my 'boyfriend'/room mate and matthew.
pretty sad.
and i think the only people to talk to me on facebook has been my dad, mum and matthew.
i love my job. but nothing else is worth it. i'm miserable. i'm alone. and i'm sick of kidding myself that my life is going to end up better, that i'm going to make up for having done nothing. i know it's not.
Wednesday, May 25
War on Eczema: Day 01
"Eczema is a term used to describe a number of skin conditions that commonly cause the skin to become inflamed, irritated or worse. Eczema, also known as dermatitis, irritates skin all over the body and is almost always itchy and often leaves the skin feeling dry, rough, flaky and extremely uncomfortable."
A bit of background first:
I had eczema for a little while as a kid and never had any problems with it again till about a year ago. my brother however got it way worse than me but his has cleared up now (i think), according to some sites it's possible that it is genetic. For about 2 or 3 years i have had a tiny spot of rash on the inside on my left(?) arm but nothing happened with it for a long time. somewhere between 1 and 2 years ago another spot appeared on the other arm and then nothing, again, for awhile. I can't be very accurate which when i first got it because i didn't really notice it for awhile and i'm terrible at remembering some things. I can tell you that it has progressively gotten worse since about March/May of last year.
It travelled slowly at first, just staying in a rather dense patch in each elbow bend then spreading out along the inside of my arm. It is now approximately spread 10cm above and 5cm below my elbow bend on my left arm and the opposite for the right. About a week into starting in the butchery (about 11th April) it moved onto my hands. It now takes up about 1/3 to 1/2 of the back of each hand. i also have a small patch beside my right knee which seems to come a go.
My eczema is itchier more days than others, most of the time it now stays a colour close to my skins but when it's a bad day it gets bright red and bleeds (because i itch it... i know, i shouldn't) At the moment it is in between but getting worse because i've been thinking about it for several hours now. I would like to take pictures for myself just to see a comparison later on if it does get better, though right now it's not really showing up on my crappy phone camera too well.
My brother got prescribed Hydrocortisone cream back in 2009 for his eczema and he gave it to me to use since he doesn't need it anymore. The cream helps, it stops it itching as much and cools it a little but it hasn't made it go away. i have gotten so fend up with constantly being itching i'm (nearly) willing to try anything to make it better. Which is what this whole thing is about.
Day 01
I was looking online about eczema and ways to treat it. Most sites suggested that it is caused by dry or sensitive skin. I already know i have dry skin so it makes sense. I would also like to point out that sensitive skin runs in my family, my dad can only a couple of soaps and my brother had a bad reaction to some powder in disposable gloves which they used at Mcdonalds (where he worked at the time) For years my skin has also gotten itchy whenever i have a shower (with or without: shampoo/conditioner/any soap)
Most sites therefore suggested that you should use a pH neutral/balanced soap free wash, moisturiser and a fragrance free laundry powder. After looking into it a bit more, the products which would be most beneficial cost a lot and you can only buy at a chemist. I continued looking and found some more affordable alternatives you can find in a supermarket.
So for $17.97 i got:
Palmolive Naturals Shower milk, milk and honey 500ml ($3.99)
This claims to be 100% soap free, pH balanced, Dermatologically tested and enough for 100+ washes. (the second two sounding like useless marketing bull to me) It smells really nice too. Another interesting note, is that Palmolive was one of the few liquid soaps i found that didn't give me severe itching after a shower (except the weird 'oxygen' blue one with bubbles)
Vaseline dry skin conditioning lotion 375ml ($6.99)
Nothing really on the bottle about possibly helping eczema, i just have vaguely heard it's a good moisturiser and that's what was suggested i get to help. Though the added vitamins A, E and B5 might help! (*cough bull cough*)
Earthwise super concentrate laundry powder 1 kg ($6.99)
This is 'fragrance free for sensitive skin' this was also suggested by many sites. Other possible benefits could be; that it is plant and mineral based; phosphate, nitrate, chlorine and ammonia free; has biodegradable surfactants; GE free; No animal testing; Recyclable; New Zealand made; donates 10c to red cross Christchurch earthquake appeal; and most importantly comes in a fancy recycled cardboard box, printed with vegetable inks AND the scoop is recyclable.
It would probably also be worthwhile noting that all these were brought on sale because of fate, having a onecard and because i don't want to use up all my money.
I think this blog post is WAY too long now and i doubt anyone will read all of this, if you have congratulations you are probably the second most bored person in the world (first being myself for writing this). I'll let you know how i go when i use this stuff and if i notice a change.
A bit of background first:
I had eczema for a little while as a kid and never had any problems with it again till about a year ago. my brother however got it way worse than me but his has cleared up now (i think), according to some sites it's possible that it is genetic. For about 2 or 3 years i have had a tiny spot of rash on the inside on my left(?) arm but nothing happened with it for a long time. somewhere between 1 and 2 years ago another spot appeared on the other arm and then nothing, again, for awhile. I can't be very accurate which when i first got it because i didn't really notice it for awhile and i'm terrible at remembering some things. I can tell you that it has progressively gotten worse since about March/May of last year.
It travelled slowly at first, just staying in a rather dense patch in each elbow bend then spreading out along the inside of my arm. It is now approximately spread 10cm above and 5cm below my elbow bend on my left arm and the opposite for the right. About a week into starting in the butchery (about 11th April) it moved onto my hands. It now takes up about 1/3 to 1/2 of the back of each hand. i also have a small patch beside my right knee which seems to come a go.
My eczema is itchier more days than others, most of the time it now stays a colour close to my skins but when it's a bad day it gets bright red and bleeds (because i itch it... i know, i shouldn't) At the moment it is in between but getting worse because i've been thinking about it for several hours now. I would like to take pictures for myself just to see a comparison later on if it does get better, though right now it's not really showing up on my crappy phone camera too well.
My brother got prescribed Hydrocortisone cream back in 2009 for his eczema and he gave it to me to use since he doesn't need it anymore. The cream helps, it stops it itching as much and cools it a little but it hasn't made it go away. i have gotten so fend up with constantly being itching i'm (nearly) willing to try anything to make it better. Which is what this whole thing is about.
Day 01
I was looking online about eczema and ways to treat it. Most sites suggested that it is caused by dry or sensitive skin. I already know i have dry skin so it makes sense. I would also like to point out that sensitive skin runs in my family, my dad can only a couple of soaps and my brother had a bad reaction to some powder in disposable gloves which they used at Mcdonalds (where he worked at the time) For years my skin has also gotten itchy whenever i have a shower (with or without: shampoo/conditioner/any soap)
Most sites therefore suggested that you should use a pH neutral/balanced soap free wash, moisturiser and a fragrance free laundry powder. After looking into it a bit more, the products which would be most beneficial cost a lot and you can only buy at a chemist. I continued looking and found some more affordable alternatives you can find in a supermarket.
So for $17.97 i got:
Palmolive Naturals Shower milk, milk and honey 500ml ($3.99)
This claims to be 100% soap free, pH balanced, Dermatologically tested and enough for 100+ washes. (the second two sounding like useless marketing bull to me) It smells really nice too. Another interesting note, is that Palmolive was one of the few liquid soaps i found that didn't give me severe itching after a shower (except the weird 'oxygen' blue one with bubbles)
Vaseline dry skin conditioning lotion 375ml ($6.99)
Nothing really on the bottle about possibly helping eczema, i just have vaguely heard it's a good moisturiser and that's what was suggested i get to help. Though the added vitamins A, E and B5 might help! (*cough bull cough*)
Earthwise super concentrate laundry powder 1 kg ($6.99)
This is 'fragrance free for sensitive skin' this was also suggested by many sites. Other possible benefits could be; that it is plant and mineral based; phosphate, nitrate, chlorine and ammonia free; has biodegradable surfactants; GE free; No animal testing; Recyclable; New Zealand made; donates 10c to red cross Christchurch earthquake appeal; and most importantly comes in a fancy recycled cardboard box, printed with vegetable inks AND the scoop is recyclable.
It would probably also be worthwhile noting that all these were brought on sale because of fate, having a onecard and because i don't want to use up all my money.
I think this blog post is WAY too long now and i doubt anyone will read all of this, if you have congratulations you are probably the second most bored person in the world (first being myself for writing this). I'll let you know how i go when i use this stuff and if i notice a change.
Wednesday, May 11
Well this is awkward
I haven't posted in sooooo long. Partly because i have been busy, partly because i'm lazy and mainly because time has just zapped past so quickly. I'm already half way through my time in butchery and it's may! last time i checked i was still moping everyday about having left home and dwelling on regrets about the past year or so.
I think i have finally entered the realm of adulthood. All my time in the day is spent on working, eating and sleeping with the occasional spot of playing games.
My to do list is also growing longer and longer with every day and i have no way of really catching up with it. I have so many books which i've bought and are just lying around the floor waiting to be read. Me and steven haven't done the dishes properly in about a week now (i think longer), we just rinse off whatever we need at the time. There is both dirty and clean clothes discarded around the room, dust and paper building up where ever it can and soooo many other things which just haven't managed to find their own spot. I should really invest in some things to help organise the place, though the laundry basket i bought the other week has done very little to help, perhaps i need a third one.
At least i'm cooking dinner a little bit more, which is a start. I made lasagne which has lasted 3 days and a roast on the weekend which lasted 2. I got some little plastic (...OMG LIGHTENING...) containers because i had a genius idea to freeze a whole lot of meals in the weekend to consume over the week, another thing which hasn't ended up happening.
It REALLY doesn't help with steven being so god damn lazy either, i'm at least trying to sort our shit out. He is only interested in computer games and having 'his relaxation time' which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but when i barely see him and when i do he barely even looks at me or him just plain no doing anything to help around the place, it gets bloody annoying.
It's a struggle to even get him to serve up dinner after i've spent an hour or two cooking it. Goddamnit he even left out the left over lasagne AGAIN! so scratch what i said earlier, it only lasted 2 meals...... bloody waste.
I'm really having my doubts. I love him and he's a good friend, but that's about where it stops now. He's not keeping up with our agreement of me paying rent and him the food as i buy it all now. We don't even go out to do things. To be honest though, i don't think he has much money because he is doing shit at his job and now he's considering heading back to uni and working part time.
Sometimes i really think it's best if we go our own ways if he doesn't grow up very quickly. i feel more like his mother a lot of the time.
anyway i need a nap and have to finish a list of stuff i had planned to get done today.
Take care
I think i have finally entered the realm of adulthood. All my time in the day is spent on working, eating and sleeping with the occasional spot of playing games.
My to do list is also growing longer and longer with every day and i have no way of really catching up with it. I have so many books which i've bought and are just lying around the floor waiting to be read. Me and steven haven't done the dishes properly in about a week now (i think longer), we just rinse off whatever we need at the time. There is both dirty and clean clothes discarded around the room, dust and paper building up where ever it can and soooo many other things which just haven't managed to find their own spot. I should really invest in some things to help organise the place, though the laundry basket i bought the other week has done very little to help, perhaps i need a third one.
At least i'm cooking dinner a little bit more, which is a start. I made lasagne which has lasted 3 days and a roast on the weekend which lasted 2. I got some little plastic (...OMG LIGHTENING...) containers because i had a genius idea to freeze a whole lot of meals in the weekend to consume over the week, another thing which hasn't ended up happening.
It REALLY doesn't help with steven being so god damn lazy either, i'm at least trying to sort our shit out. He is only interested in computer games and having 'his relaxation time' which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but when i barely see him and when i do he barely even looks at me or him just plain no doing anything to help around the place, it gets bloody annoying.
It's a struggle to even get him to serve up dinner after i've spent an hour or two cooking it. Goddamnit he even left out the left over lasagne AGAIN! so scratch what i said earlier, it only lasted 2 meals...... bloody waste.
I'm really having my doubts. I love him and he's a good friend, but that's about where it stops now. He's not keeping up with our agreement of me paying rent and him the food as i buy it all now. We don't even go out to do things. To be honest though, i don't think he has much money because he is doing shit at his job and now he's considering heading back to uni and working part time.
Sometimes i really think it's best if we go our own ways if he doesn't grow up very quickly. i feel more like his mother a lot of the time.
anyway i need a nap and have to finish a list of stuff i had planned to get done today.
Take care
Tuesday, April 26
*snore*
WAY too tired to say much right now. My parents visited in the weekend which was awesome, i miss them so much. They even managed to stumble across me while i was in my uniform and 'working'
yea i really need a nap time now. Screw making a proper dinner for later...... i'm hungry........... *snores*
yea i really need a nap time now. Screw making a proper dinner for later...... i'm hungry........... *snores*
Monday, April 18
Rare Day
when i actually feel kinda loved. Even though it didn't start very well, the last few hours have made me feel great. Talking to a few people who i have shared so many happy memories with is purely awesome.
A bit sad to hear how the group is though. Nothings changed, in fact a certain aspect seems to have gotten worse. However i hope that the person involved remembers they can always talk to me as i went through the same torture last year and i will always understand how you feel even when the others don't agree. After all that's what TRUE friends are about, and what the group started out being.
I wish i could go back to the days where everyone got along, the people who had problems kept it between themselves and no one had the final say. We all got along back then.
At least i have found out who my true friends are in the last year or so, remarkably it is actually most of the group, as always though it's the small few that ruin it for everyone else.
i REALLY want to go on a camping trip again though. I miss mangaweka and westwood. Probably will always be the best summers i ever had.
A bit sad to hear how the group is though. Nothings changed, in fact a certain aspect seems to have gotten worse. However i hope that the person involved remembers they can always talk to me as i went through the same torture last year and i will always understand how you feel even when the others don't agree. After all that's what TRUE friends are about, and what the group started out being.
I wish i could go back to the days where everyone got along, the people who had problems kept it between themselves and no one had the final say. We all got along back then.
At least i have found out who my true friends are in the last year or so, remarkably it is actually most of the group, as always though it's the small few that ruin it for everyone else.
i REALLY want to go on a camping trip again though. I miss mangaweka and westwood. Probably will always be the best summers i ever had.
Thursday, April 14
Rage Mo**** F****** RAGE!!!!!!
Well i paid for a nice clock on trade me to give as a gift to my mum. I also paid for it to be delivered...
WELL IT'S NOT GETTING BLOODY DELIVERED!!!!!!!
Why?!!!!
Because New Zealand post is bloody retarded that's why.
The clock by itself is only JUST inside their size requirements and it's over their maximum weight so therefore it should have been sent by courier but according to NZ post it wasn't and so therefore their postie did the 'right thing' by not going into the office to drop it off (like what is supposed to happen in this building)
So now i'm supposed to go into ponsonby, spend MORE money and waste MORE time getting there even though i paid for it to be delivered to my f****** building!
It will be impossible getting there because i can't get there before 1pm on week days and they close at 11am on saturday, not even open on sunday either.
why must they be so difficult!!!!!!! i asked them to deliver it to another post office but they WON'T because apparently they just don't do that...... and they don't redeliver either......
This is our NATIONAL POST FFS PEOPLE! why are they so stupid and unreliable!!!!!
WELL IT'S NOT GETTING BLOODY DELIVERED!!!!!!!
Why?!!!!
Because New Zealand post is bloody retarded that's why.
The clock by itself is only JUST inside their size requirements and it's over their maximum weight so therefore it should have been sent by courier but according to NZ post it wasn't and so therefore their postie did the 'right thing' by not going into the office to drop it off (like what is supposed to happen in this building)
So now i'm supposed to go into ponsonby, spend MORE money and waste MORE time getting there even though i paid for it to be delivered to my f****** building!
It will be impossible getting there because i can't get there before 1pm on week days and they close at 11am on saturday, not even open on sunday either.
why must they be so difficult!!!!!!! i asked them to deliver it to another post office but they WON'T because apparently they just don't do that...... and they don't redeliver either......
This is our NATIONAL POST FFS PEOPLE! why are they so stupid and unreliable!!!!!
Wednesday, April 13
On the subject of pizza
I can't help but always go for the easiest and fastest thing to cook lately, which often ends up being sausages, pizza, Mcdonalds etc. it's pretty unhealthy and i think i'm actually putting on weight for the first time ever.
I don't want to sound too concerned about it, because it probably is a good thing i am putting on weight, but it's weird having my stomach and his slightly poking over my jeans. i even caught steven repeatedly poking my back fat a few days ago while we were cuddling.
This is probably the most boring blog post ever so i will just stop here XD
I don't want to sound too concerned about it, because it probably is a good thing i am putting on weight, but it's weird having my stomach and his slightly poking over my jeans. i even caught steven repeatedly poking my back fat a few days ago while we were cuddling.
This is probably the most boring blog post ever so i will just stop here XD
Tuesday, April 12
Quick note to my friends
You guys ALL rock, you are the kindest most caring people i have ever met. You are all beautiful and funny, unique and smart, and i miss you all like hell.
You have all helped me through really rough times, even if you don't know you have. The tiniest thing helps.
i cannot say it enough, but thank you, for EVERYTHING
You have all helped me through really rough times, even if you don't know you have. The tiniest thing helps.
i cannot say it enough, but thank you, for EVERYTHING
Sunday, April 10
sooo....
Once again it's been awhile since i wrote. I've sort of lost my enthusiasm for writing random crap about my life to pretty much no one. I haven't been up to much either, other than moving into the butchery kitchen at work which is odd to say the least. Steven's Boss and his boss's gf have been sleeping on our floor for a week now because they can't find their own place and it's been pissing me off like hell.
i have to get up for work at 2am so i can start at 4, for this i really need to be in bed at around 6 or 7pm so i can get enough sleep. Yet steven doesn't normally get home till about 8. Now i could sort of deal with that, BUT the problem is, is that stevens boss decides to stay out even later and not getting back till after 10pm and since he doesn't have a key to get into our place he has to ring steven so he can be let in waking up both steven and me.
It doesn't end there either. When they get in, they turn on all the lights and talk REALLY loudly and stay up for another hour or so. Making me only have about 3 or 4 hours sleep, which is in no way good when i start falling asleep on my feet at work.
pretty annoying huh? well it gets worse. seriously
They constantly drink and leave half empty cans and bottles around the place,
They stuffed our tiny fridge full of their alcohol so we can't fit our food in,
They leave their clothes lying around in our bathroom,
They haven't helped with dishes ONCE,
OR any other cleaning
All their stuff piled beside the door so it's impossible to get in and out of the apartment/our bathroom,
Their air bed uses up most of the limited floor space we have and i trip over it everyday
They left metal utensils and knives in my frying pan and therefore scratching the Teflon....
One morning they left the iron on all day
Now for the icing on the top of the biggest poo cake.....
One morning......
They used Stevens computer and our internet bandwidth for looking up porn.....
serious. no jokes.
worst people to have stay? i think so
i have to get up for work at 2am so i can start at 4, for this i really need to be in bed at around 6 or 7pm so i can get enough sleep. Yet steven doesn't normally get home till about 8. Now i could sort of deal with that, BUT the problem is, is that stevens boss decides to stay out even later and not getting back till after 10pm and since he doesn't have a key to get into our place he has to ring steven so he can be let in waking up both steven and me.
It doesn't end there either. When they get in, they turn on all the lights and talk REALLY loudly and stay up for another hour or so. Making me only have about 3 or 4 hours sleep, which is in no way good when i start falling asleep on my feet at work.
pretty annoying huh? well it gets worse. seriously
They constantly drink and leave half empty cans and bottles around the place,
They stuffed our tiny fridge full of their alcohol so we can't fit our food in,
They leave their clothes lying around in our bathroom,
They haven't helped with dishes ONCE,
OR any other cleaning
All their stuff piled beside the door so it's impossible to get in and out of the apartment/our bathroom,
Their air bed uses up most of the limited floor space we have and i trip over it everyday
They left metal utensils and knives in my frying pan and therefore scratching the Teflon....
One morning they left the iron on all day
Now for the icing on the top of the biggest poo cake.....
One morning......
They used Stevens computer and our internet bandwidth for looking up porn.....
serious. no jokes.
worst people to have stay? i think so
Wednesday, April 6
Obviously lazy
Well that was the biggest flop ever. i lost motivation after the first day and haven't been able to dredge up anymore since.
Life is too busy right now and i'm sturggling to stay awake with the few things i am doing so why push myself to use up more energy on my brain. I also figured that no one will ever really read this or my stories apart from my closest friends.
I moved kitchens on monday and it's a bitch trying to get the energy to wake up each morning and it's a constant struggle trying to keep my eyes open, even now they feel like they have sawdust in them and i would do anything for the ability to freeze time for a day or two and just sleep.
Life is too busy right now and i'm sturggling to stay awake with the few things i am doing so why push myself to use up more energy on my brain. I also figured that no one will ever really read this or my stories apart from my closest friends.
I moved kitchens on monday and it's a bitch trying to get the energy to wake up each morning and it's a constant struggle trying to keep my eyes open, even now they feel like they have sawdust in them and i would do anything for the ability to freeze time for a day or two and just sleep.
Saturday, March 26
Operation Motivation...
This is a plan to get myself up and ready to start completing some of my dreams and i invite/challenge everyone to try it as well.
First up you need to think of a dream, something you want, or a goal you have or a mixture if they are in the same 'genre'. For me, i'm going to start with:
'I want to complete nanowrimo'
'I want to publish a book'
Next up, think of a way to start getting you motivated to do these. BUT remember you have to learn to crawl before you can walk or run (this is the whole philosophy, if you will, of Operation Motivation). There is no point in saying 'right! tomorrow i will plan out my novel and start writing it so it can be published' i have tried and failed with that approach many times. instead this is what i vow to do:
'Starting today i will write a 500 word, short story everyday. It will based off 3 random words i get from a random word generator and i will publish this story on Protagonize so i can get feed back'
In a weeks time i will review this and see if i can challenge myself further. After awhile i might decide to boost that up to 1000 words a day when i'm used to writing 500. 1000 words a day is just under the daily average of 1667 words you need to write to complete the nanowrimo. When you complete a nanowrimo, you essentially have written a novel.
See how everything builds up to that ultimate dream?
If you are finding it difficult you can always go backwards a bit, slow it down and give yourself a slightly easier challenge.
Well, i'm off to write my first 500 word story. Wish me luck =)
First up you need to think of a dream, something you want, or a goal you have or a mixture if they are in the same 'genre'. For me, i'm going to start with:
'I want to complete nanowrimo'
'I want to publish a book'
Next up, think of a way to start getting you motivated to do these. BUT remember you have to learn to crawl before you can walk or run (this is the whole philosophy, if you will, of Operation Motivation). There is no point in saying 'right! tomorrow i will plan out my novel and start writing it so it can be published' i have tried and failed with that approach many times. instead this is what i vow to do:
'Starting today i will write a 500 word, short story everyday. It will based off 3 random words i get from a random word generator and i will publish this story on Protagonize so i can get feed back'
In a weeks time i will review this and see if i can challenge myself further. After awhile i might decide to boost that up to 1000 words a day when i'm used to writing 500. 1000 words a day is just under the daily average of 1667 words you need to write to complete the nanowrimo. When you complete a nanowrimo, you essentially have written a novel.
See how everything builds up to that ultimate dream?
If you are finding it difficult you can always go backwards a bit, slow it down and give yourself a slightly easier challenge.
Well, i'm off to write my first 500 word story. Wish me luck =)
Explanation
The last few days i haven't been very motivated to do anything other than just play games on facebook, so i have decided to start what i will call 'Operation Motivation' because it sounds cool. This is going to be all about getting me slowly used to doing things, other than sitting on my butt all day, that will help move me towards completing one of my dreams/wants/goals. Before i go any further however i would like to clarify a few things about this blog.
So far i have gone through my life being very thoroughly average and avoiding doing anything interesting with my life. I've heard stories from friends and strangers about the awesome things they have done and wished i could be the same interesting person they are. I've looked at all the kids who get straight excellences at school, that get to be house leader or school president and wished i could be like them and succeed. I've never wanted to be average, frankly i don't think anyone wants to be that, yet whenever i get the chance to do something interesting i avoid it or wimp out or i just don't put myself up to the challenge. I want that to change now, to actually get up and do the things i want to in life and not get left out and have any more regrets. This blog is to help me keep motivated and to remind myself of that.
Rose, you said in your blog that you don't have a proper dream or anything that achieving it would be a highlight of your life.
My dreams which i post here, won't necessarily be an absolute highlight of my life and nor are they all really proper 'dreams' as such. Some things are just things i want, i would like, i think would be fun or cool to do or try etc. and i most definitely won't start pooping rainbows and happiness by completing them. So far i have just said the bigger things, but i will eventually get to the smaller stuff too like: 'i want to get a motorbike' or 'i want ice cream'
Everyone has dreams, wants and goals, even if you don't recognise it consciously. And if remember correctly, i was very good friends with a girl who last year wanted to go to university so much that nothing anyone could say would stop her. She is now at uni, and seeming to have a blast.
Wasn't that a dream?
Which is now complete?
And wouldn't the next 'dream' be to finish her B.A. ?
So far i have gone through my life being very thoroughly average and avoiding doing anything interesting with my life. I've heard stories from friends and strangers about the awesome things they have done and wished i could be the same interesting person they are. I've looked at all the kids who get straight excellences at school, that get to be house leader or school president and wished i could be like them and succeed. I've never wanted to be average, frankly i don't think anyone wants to be that, yet whenever i get the chance to do something interesting i avoid it or wimp out or i just don't put myself up to the challenge. I want that to change now, to actually get up and do the things i want to in life and not get left out and have any more regrets. This blog is to help me keep motivated and to remind myself of that.
Rose, you said in your blog that you don't have a proper dream or anything that achieving it would be a highlight of your life.
My dreams which i post here, won't necessarily be an absolute highlight of my life and nor are they all really proper 'dreams' as such. Some things are just things i want, i would like, i think would be fun or cool to do or try etc. and i most definitely won't start pooping rainbows and happiness by completing them. So far i have just said the bigger things, but i will eventually get to the smaller stuff too like: 'i want to get a motorbike' or 'i want ice cream'
Everyone has dreams, wants and goals, even if you don't recognise it consciously. And if remember correctly, i was very good friends with a girl who last year wanted to go to university so much that nothing anyone could say would stop her. She is now at uni, and seeming to have a blast.
Wasn't that a dream?
Which is now complete?
And wouldn't the next 'dream' be to finish her B.A. ?
Tuesday, March 22
At work
I'm currently at work on one of their useless iPads. It reminds me of how much I hate Mac stuff. The on screen keyboards are terrible for typing, and especially since I partially touch type. It adds random letters in all the time because I keep accidentally brushing other 'keys' with my fingers, AND if that wasn't bad enough it keeps editing my words because apparently I'm not intelligent to write what I want how I want. FU Mac trying to take over our world with you idiocy.
So yea I had a meeting today to check up on my apprentice stuffs. Kinda in trouble cause I'm too confused and lazy so my papers aren't finished yet. Now I'm just waiting in the staff caf on a company iPad for work to start. I should probably go earlier to get my papers finished. But I can't be assed.
Omg man, I try to click on a word to edit it and the stupid thing closes my post edit. Grrr
So sorry about the crappy grammar and spelling on this post. Blame the mac crap.
So yea I had a meeting today to check up on my apprentice stuffs. Kinda in trouble cause I'm too confused and lazy so my papers aren't finished yet. Now I'm just waiting in the staff caf on a company iPad for work to start. I should probably go earlier to get my papers finished. But I can't be assed.
Omg man, I try to click on a word to edit it and the stupid thing closes my post edit. Grrr
So sorry about the crappy grammar and spelling on this post. Blame the mac crap.
Monday, March 21
Stevens back
Well not too much has happened to me in the last couple days, except from being extremely tired. Steven got back after 6pm and we sat around home for awhile, just being glad to be together again. Then, since we are both so very lazy, we decided to go out to have dinner.
We ended up at a italian/pizza restaurant, i can assure you i will never go back there again. They sat us right next to the toilets, even though there was other tables available at the time, it was extremely noisy as there was a birthday party going on right next to us. The base of the pizza was too soft so you couldn't even pick up the pizza and we weren't given plates, they also gave us our chips at the same time so there was no room on our table. We had two waiters try to serve us and another waiter just dumped a glass of coke on our table that we hadn't ordered without saying anything. Yet another waiter came over and asked if everything was alright, when we both had pizza in our mouths. The fanta we ordered was way over priced and tasted like slightly flavoured water. All in all, it was such a shitty experience that i never want to go back.
Now what i really wanted to post about is some things my friends have said, though i could be here all day writing and i have to go to work soon and i should be doing my papers, so i'll wait till later.
We ended up at a italian/pizza restaurant, i can assure you i will never go back there again. They sat us right next to the toilets, even though there was other tables available at the time, it was extremely noisy as there was a birthday party going on right next to us. The base of the pizza was too soft so you couldn't even pick up the pizza and we weren't given plates, they also gave us our chips at the same time so there was no room on our table. We had two waiters try to serve us and another waiter just dumped a glass of coke on our table that we hadn't ordered without saying anything. Yet another waiter came over and asked if everything was alright, when we both had pizza in our mouths. The fanta we ordered was way over priced and tasted like slightly flavoured water. All in all, it was such a shitty experience that i never want to go back.
Now what i really wanted to post about is some things my friends have said, though i could be here all day writing and i have to go to work soon and i should be doing my papers, so i'll wait till later.
Saturday, March 19
I wish i wish...
i was a fish...
Jokes.
But here are a few more things which i do really wish for.
I've always wanted to be a chef, even when i was a kid, but mum put me off by saying about the long hours and weird times you have ot work. I decided sometime last year (or the year before) that i'm really not that great at anything other than cooking and so being a chef would be the only thing i would be able to successfully do as a career.
I want to have kids young (say early to mid 20's) becuase it is the best time biologically to have kids, i don't want to be really old (and have a beard) when my kids are in high school and i want to see my grandkids grow up, possibly even great-grandkids. That's when the problems kick in, if i want to have kids young, i will have to sacrifice whole lots of other dreams or postpone them until a time where i might not have time to complete them.
Guess i'll just have to find a balance, just like everyone else on this earth.
Jokes.
But here are a few more things which i do really wish for.
- I want to be a chef
I've always wanted to be a chef, even when i was a kid, but mum put me off by saying about the long hours and weird times you have ot work. I decided sometime last year (or the year before) that i'm really not that great at anything other than cooking and so being a chef would be the only thing i would be able to successfully do as a career.
- I want to do beading and wire wrapping
- I want to be a house wife and mum
I want to have kids young (say early to mid 20's) becuase it is the best time biologically to have kids, i don't want to be really old (and have a beard) when my kids are in high school and i want to see my grandkids grow up, possibly even great-grandkids. That's when the problems kick in, if i want to have kids young, i will have to sacrifice whole lots of other dreams or postpone them until a time where i might not have time to complete them.
Guess i'll just have to find a balance, just like everyone else on this earth.
Thank god for energy drinks
I got piss all sleep last night, i just couldn't seem to fall asleep until about 11pm. Which is terrible considering i had to wake up at 2am. Well i did fall asleep really easily to start with, dozed off during the ads while watching the Simpsons, but then steven texted and woke me up.
It seems i'm having to rely on energy drinks in the morning to keep me awake during work. Though the trouble is, is that it often wakes me up a bit too much and makes me all bouncy.
Once i got over the first depressing hump of the day (waking up, getting to and starting work) i rather enjoyed myself. The more serious chefs were away so it was a lot more relaxing and i wasn't being hounded to go faster every two seconds. I made an awesome dressing, which contains saffron and orange juice (as well as other stuff of which i cannot disclose) and it turned a very happy bright yellow. It brought a smile to see such a pretty coloured food.
I decided to make my beaded watch today. I'm quite happy with the results and it matches the charm bracelet very well. I love this whole beading thing, and it's fun to start doing something i've wanted to do for awhile. Though i'm going to have to make a new blog post now to explain a couple things mentioned in the previous couple =P
It seems i'm having to rely on energy drinks in the morning to keep me awake during work. Though the trouble is, is that it often wakes me up a bit too much and makes me all bouncy.
Once i got over the first depressing hump of the day (waking up, getting to and starting work) i rather enjoyed myself. The more serious chefs were away so it was a lot more relaxing and i wasn't being hounded to go faster every two seconds. I made an awesome dressing, which contains saffron and orange juice (as well as other stuff of which i cannot disclose) and it turned a very happy bright yellow. It brought a smile to see such a pretty coloured food.
I decided to make my beaded watch today. I'm quite happy with the results and it matches the charm bracelet very well. I love this whole beading thing, and it's fun to start doing something i've wanted to do for awhile. Though i'm going to have to make a new blog post now to explain a couple things mentioned in the previous couple =P
Friday, March 18
My 'weekend'
Sadly i had to have my days off on the days that Steven would be off on a buisness road trip to rotorua, and i've been kinda depressed being all alone in the flat. But yesterday i was hugely cheered up by one of my besties, Rose. It's interesting how different and more wild my friends seem to get when they stop going to school and move out of home, however i still feel like i'm the same boring person. I want to get out and party a bit more so i can share some shocking and funny stories when we catch up. Though i already have a boyfriend who i'm settled with and if some tiny hints i've picked up on are correct (which being me probably aren't) then he may not be my bf for too much longer =D And i'm not too big on binge drinking either, i think i had enough of that at emma's 18th birthday party last year, which ended up with me spending the whole morning outside throwing up in her garden.
It sort of feels like i'm already an old lady in some ways, just wanting to settle down and have kiddies whilst eating healthy and worrying about skin cancer.
Today for distracting entertainment i went to a craft expo. I woke up really grumpy, missed my train because i couldn't find my keys in time, had a tantrum and strormed off home. On the way home i decided i was being really silly and that my day probably wasn;t ruined, even though i missed the class i wanted to do. So i stopped past countdown, grabbed some food, moisurising sunblock (cause i'm paranoid about skin cancer) and toothpaste (cause i ran out)
So after a train ride, a bit of a walk and accidently going into the wrong place and ending up in a make up /perfume sale, i was at the craft expo.
I had so much fun and throughly enjoyed my day. I got to make the charm bracelet in the class i wanted to go to, brought a beading starter kit, a beaded watch kit, and some beads to get me started. So all in all, the day didn't end up too badly and i managed to get throughly distracted from steven for a few hours.
Now if only i didn't have to work at 4am tomorrow and steven was home, everything would be perfect.
It sort of feels like i'm already an old lady in some ways, just wanting to settle down and have kiddies whilst eating healthy and worrying about skin cancer.
Today for distracting entertainment i went to a craft expo. I woke up really grumpy, missed my train because i couldn't find my keys in time, had a tantrum and strormed off home. On the way home i decided i was being really silly and that my day probably wasn;t ruined, even though i missed the class i wanted to do. So i stopped past countdown, grabbed some food, moisurising sunblock (cause i'm paranoid about skin cancer) and toothpaste (cause i ran out)
So after a train ride, a bit of a walk and accidently going into the wrong place and ending up in a make up /perfume sale, i was at the craft expo.
I had so much fun and throughly enjoyed my day. I got to make the charm bracelet in the class i wanted to go to, brought a beading starter kit, a beaded watch kit, and some beads to get me started. So all in all, the day didn't end up too badly and i managed to get throughly distracted from steven for a few hours.
Now if only i didn't have to work at 4am tomorrow and steven was home, everything would be perfect.
Tuesday, March 15
Trying to find a balance
The best thing i can possibly do at the moment is find a balance in my life, but right now it seems like all i'm doing is working, walking, eating fast food and sleeping, with a fews hugs and kisses from steven in between.
After work i really can't be bothered to do much of anything and so now i'm on a fast food binge. I really can't remember when the last time i cooked dinner was, which is terrible and it's doing nasty stuff to my health.
I'm constantly tired, i'm sure it's giving me stomach problems and on top of that i think i might have packed on a few kg's since i left home.
I promise i will cook dinner tonight, with vegetables, and potatoes. Though problem is, there is nothing in the way of meat in the tiny freezer. I haven't been food shopping in over a week either, i just can't be bothered when i get home after 9pm.
Last night i worked late again, i didn't finish till 9:10pm. I ate some left over pizza then had a nap before steven woke me up so we could go get food. Naturally we ended up at mcdonalds..... again.....
I also want to fit in writing time everyday (i'm managing to fit in blogging time, but that's only cause i can't be bothered getting ready for work and i can't access my drafts on protagonize) and i would love to have time to go out partying too. Oh and time to finish my papers for work.
I think on my days off this week i will do a bit of sring cleaning on my life and habits, and plan a menu for the next week.
After work i really can't be bothered to do much of anything and so now i'm on a fast food binge. I really can't remember when the last time i cooked dinner was, which is terrible and it's doing nasty stuff to my health.
I'm constantly tired, i'm sure it's giving me stomach problems and on top of that i think i might have packed on a few kg's since i left home.
I promise i will cook dinner tonight, with vegetables, and potatoes. Though problem is, there is nothing in the way of meat in the tiny freezer. I haven't been food shopping in over a week either, i just can't be bothered when i get home after 9pm.
Last night i worked late again, i didn't finish till 9:10pm. I ate some left over pizza then had a nap before steven woke me up so we could go get food. Naturally we ended up at mcdonalds..... again.....
I also want to fit in writing time everyday (i'm managing to fit in blogging time, but that's only cause i can't be bothered getting ready for work and i can't access my drafts on protagonize) and i would love to have time to go out partying too. Oh and time to finish my papers for work.
I think on my days off this week i will do a bit of sring cleaning on my life and habits, and plan a menu for the next week.
Monday, March 14
Selling my soul for $12.75 an hour
On Saturday night i went out for a bit of fun with my boyfriend, Steven, and his work mates. We started off by going round to Steven's Boss' house and having a few drinks then headed off to a rugby game (Warriors vs. Eels) I don't like or watch rugby so it was pretty lame to begin with, but after awhile of soaking up the atmosphere (and the massive flames they kept firing on our side of the field) it was actually kinda fun. Afterwards we went to a bowling place and had a bit of a competition. I was having heaps of fun but had to go home at about midnight because i had to start work at 10am.
Work yesterday was a nightmare.
Being constantly told you are too slow is NOT fun and even worse when you are tired and sore as heck from bowling late at night. To make it worse, we were incredibly busy so instead of finishing at 6:30 i finished at 8pm and today is apparently is going to be the same.
Now the thought of doing overtime and getting more money seems pretty good, but then i remember i'm only getting paid $12.75 an hour.
Which is kinda what i was getting on about with the whole title of this blog.
We all essentially sell our soles for some ridiculously small amount of money and i'm asking myself. 'Is an hour of MY time really only worth $12.75?' and i do don't even get the full amount of that because of paying taxes and money going into kiwi saver. So i only get around $10 an hour. To put that in perspective, that's about 4 packets of lollies, or a loaf of bread, margarine and a tiny jar of spread.
Is using up an hour of my life really worth that little?
It hardly does much for my self-esteem when i think about it like that.
Work yesterday was a nightmare.
Being constantly told you are too slow is NOT fun and even worse when you are tired and sore as heck from bowling late at night. To make it worse, we were incredibly busy so instead of finishing at 6:30 i finished at 8pm and today is apparently is going to be the same.
Now the thought of doing overtime and getting more money seems pretty good, but then i remember i'm only getting paid $12.75 an hour.
Which is kinda what i was getting on about with the whole title of this blog.
We all essentially sell our soles for some ridiculously small amount of money and i'm asking myself. 'Is an hour of MY time really only worth $12.75?' and i do don't even get the full amount of that because of paying taxes and money going into kiwi saver. So i only get around $10 an hour. To put that in perspective, that's about 4 packets of lollies, or a loaf of bread, margarine and a tiny jar of spread.
Is using up an hour of my life really worth that little?
It hardly does much for my self-esteem when i think about it like that.
Saturday, March 12
One step forward
Now i'm feeling a teensy bit motivated i'm going to make a vow that i will complete a NaNoWriMo this year. For those who don't know, NaNoWriMo stands for National Novel Writing Month. People from all over the world try to write a 50,000 word novel in one month and the whole point is not to get so caught up in the finer details of writing but to just write and keep writing. I have wanted to do this for years but i always forgot or got intimidated out of it so this year i will complete my dream
Hopefully all this will keep me motivated for once =P
- I want to complete a NaNoWriMo novel
- I want to publish a novel
Hopefully all this will keep me motivated for once =P
Another day, another dollar
Been working flat out all day at work. I'm not enjoying it as much as i thought i would before i started, its tough to stay enthusiastic when everything you do is wrong in some way and when it is being done right, you're too slow. I got pretty upset yesterday after getting ripped into all day about how i was wasting time and being slow when i wasn't. It's made me doubt whether or not i really want to be a chef but i really do want to learn how to cook properly for a restaurant to fulfill another dream of mine
As my dad has always told me, there is no such thing as a free lunch (or in this case no fulfilled dream without hard work)
- I want to own a cafe or restaurant chain
As my dad has always told me, there is no such thing as a free lunch (or in this case no fulfilled dream without hard work)
Thursday, March 10
4 of my dreams
i really do not know where to start. I've had so many dreams, so many things i've wanted but i guess above all
I suppose the next thing won't be as big of a shock considering my addiction to the internet and love of writing
I just think it would be cool to hold some sort of stats when i join games and not just be ignored like a n00b for once.
Well these are just 4 for now. i might do some more later but right now i REALLY need to get the dishes done =)
- I want to be a famous writer
I suppose the next thing won't be as big of a shock considering my addiction to the internet and love of writing
- I want to be a famous blogger
- I want to be a famous gamer
I just think it would be cool to hold some sort of stats when i join games and not just be ignored like a n00b for once.
- I want to do game developing
Well these are just 4 for now. i might do some more later but right now i REALLY need to get the dishes done =)
New Beginnings
So i've been out of home, away from my parents for 3 months now and i think it's time to be 110% honest with myself and all my friends who i so sorely miss. I have a ridiculously long list of things i want to be and do in my life and most of you won't even have any idea that i wanted to do that.
It's time for me to stop sitting on the back bench and make some of my crazy dreams come true. I have so many things i've regretted in my life, things i wish i had done, things i hadn't and things that could have happened just a little differently.
I guess i'll never be truely happy with my life so far, but i want to at least do a few spectacular things that not everyone does.
It's time for me to stop sitting on the back bench and make some of my crazy dreams come true. I have so many things i've regretted in my life, things i wish i had done, things i hadn't and things that could have happened just a little differently.
I guess i'll never be truely happy with my life so far, but i want to at least do a few spectacular things that not everyone does.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)