Hi to Josie and Jordan too =)
i forgot to add on to the last blog post that i have put on about 10kg since i moved out of home and i can lift a 20kg box with one arm now. Oh and that i have been burnt twice, and the scars, sadly, faded within days of getting them.
my apartments a 'pig sty' as my mum used to say, or a 'bomb site' though i'm trying to get on top of the cleaning. I have awesome boots which make me feel like some kick ass zombie ass killing ninja. Manly because i got them right before watching Priest and they fit the whole post-apoc cowboy theme.
I go to the movies a lot now and i see most movies not long after they come out, and i've probably been to the cinemas more in the last year than i have my entire life eg. i've seen:
Hp 7 part 1
and part 2
The Green Lantern
Super 8
Friends with Benefits
Cowboys and Aliens
Priest
Horrible Bosses
Your Highness
Source Code
Paul
X-Men: first class
The Rise of the Planet of the Apes
So in short, i'm spending way too much money and i am clearly very bored. But i don't think i will be stopping any time soon.
I can't wait to visit everyone, i need some time away from the city. and from someone...
Friday, September 16
Thursday, September 15
Bet you forgot i existed
Hi Rose and Rachel! (as far as i can tell you are the only two who still go to blogger)
Lots of things have happened since i last posted. lots i won't want to repeat on here and lots of stuff just sounds like i haven't been up to much anyway.
I still don't have any friends to hang out with. Things are still off and on with steven. I still love and hate my job. I still miss home, my friends and family. And i still get depressed that i won't ever see another frosty bulls morning.
Things that have happened; i'm in my second to last kitchen for this year, i have a second piercing in each ear, thinking about more and thinking about a tattoo and saving for a motorbike.
I applied for leave at the end of next month to visit my parents. Hopefully you guys will want to see me too. Only had about 3 or 4 people reply to the post i made, so most of 'the group' probably hate me now.
I'm planning to take my dedication ritual in just under 2 years, when i turn 21 so i can call myself a witch. I'm currently studying everything i can about paganism and magical properties of everything from colours and herbs to stones.
I'm going to start writing a novel to publish and i'm determined to complete NaNoWriMo in November. I have about a million story ideas i just have to start writing them.
I also won two medals at the culinary fare. Gold and silver. Gold for Hot presented cold static dish (which i had a shit load of help to do) and silver in the live apprentice competition. For the live, i arrived late and one of the executive chefs drove me. Which is rather embarrassing. He was nice though and offered to get me off work that day. But i said i could still do it. For the competitions i stayed behind every day at work for a week or so and the night before my static i left work then came back at 10pm, worked till 5am, got into a van with the other apprentices entering, put the dish on display, went back to work and worked till 3.30pm. I then stayed till around 9pm practicing for the live in the morning.
I had spent 24 hours at work, with a couple hours out at the fare and i had about 4 hours sleep that night before i had to go off to my live. After all that, i was only 2 points behind the other skycity apprentice who had entered. not too bad but i felt like death.
might write more later. probably won't as it seems no one cares anyway.
Lots of things have happened since i last posted. lots i won't want to repeat on here and lots of stuff just sounds like i haven't been up to much anyway.
I still don't have any friends to hang out with. Things are still off and on with steven. I still love and hate my job. I still miss home, my friends and family. And i still get depressed that i won't ever see another frosty bulls morning.
Things that have happened; i'm in my second to last kitchen for this year, i have a second piercing in each ear, thinking about more and thinking about a tattoo and saving for a motorbike.
I applied for leave at the end of next month to visit my parents. Hopefully you guys will want to see me too. Only had about 3 or 4 people reply to the post i made, so most of 'the group' probably hate me now.
I'm planning to take my dedication ritual in just under 2 years, when i turn 21 so i can call myself a witch. I'm currently studying everything i can about paganism and magical properties of everything from colours and herbs to stones.
I'm going to start writing a novel to publish and i'm determined to complete NaNoWriMo in November. I have about a million story ideas i just have to start writing them.
I also won two medals at the culinary fare. Gold and silver. Gold for Hot presented cold static dish (which i had a shit load of help to do) and silver in the live apprentice competition. For the live, i arrived late and one of the executive chefs drove me. Which is rather embarrassing. He was nice though and offered to get me off work that day. But i said i could still do it. For the competitions i stayed behind every day at work for a week or so and the night before my static i left work then came back at 10pm, worked till 5am, got into a van with the other apprentices entering, put the dish on display, went back to work and worked till 3.30pm. I then stayed till around 9pm practicing for the live in the morning.
I had spent 24 hours at work, with a couple hours out at the fare and i had about 4 hours sleep that night before i had to go off to my live. After all that, i was only 2 points behind the other skycity apprentice who had entered. not too bad but i felt like death.
might write more later. probably won't as it seems no one cares anyway.
Tuesday, June 14
So.... i'm not very good at thinking up meaningful titles
Well after all the fights and bs with steven lately, i have finally given up hope that we will ever work and that i can ever be with him again.
I thought it could, and would work out for us. I've been trying all week to make things better. But when he walks out. On another road trip for 4 days when he's only been back for 3 days. I can't handle it any more and i don't want to. I don't want to be with someone who isn't going to spend any time with me when i'm paying for all their food and rent.
And no shit, i only found out about this road trip at 8:30pm last night, the night before he had to go. He only found out 10 minutes before that. Now who wouldn't tell their boss to shove it up their.... if they found out that late. On top of that, he had time to text a work mate about it and not me, he told me and his he was taking today off work so we could spend time together (it's my weekend), he told me and his boss (and HIS boss) he wouldn't be doing any more road trips (this is the second he has gone on since then). On top of THAT we agreed he would pay for rent and food, it's been two weeks and he owes me $220 in rent and $60 for food.
So i really see no point in trying for this worthless shit. I think it's time to move on (or perhaps back)
I've been having a dream lately to move to England anyway. Maybe i will go work there for awhile after my apprenticeship. Might meet a guy with a hot European accent too XD
I thought it could, and would work out for us. I've been trying all week to make things better. But when he walks out. On another road trip for 4 days when he's only been back for 3 days. I can't handle it any more and i don't want to. I don't want to be with someone who isn't going to spend any time with me when i'm paying for all their food and rent.
And no shit, i only found out about this road trip at 8:30pm last night, the night before he had to go. He only found out 10 minutes before that. Now who wouldn't tell their boss to shove it up their.... if they found out that late. On top of that, he had time to text a work mate about it and not me, he told me and his he was taking today off work so we could spend time together (it's my weekend), he told me and his boss (and HIS boss) he wouldn't be doing any more road trips (this is the second he has gone on since then). On top of THAT we agreed he would pay for rent and food, it's been two weeks and he owes me $220 in rent and $60 for food.
So i really see no point in trying for this worthless shit. I think it's time to move on (or perhaps back)
I've been having a dream lately to move to England anyway. Maybe i will go work there for awhile after my apprenticeship. Might meet a guy with a hot European accent too XD
Tuesday, June 7
This thing called the 'hate bug'
I'm going to call it the hate bug or depression bug. The brief, and not so brief snippets of my friends lives i have seen lately has lead me to believe we all have the Hate Bug and i think we all need to go to rehab. aka all run away to a place with barely anything, set up tent and just have fun for a few days.
Though i don't think it will be for awhile. maybe, if we can plan something then maybe we can all get through this together knowing that we all have something good to look forward to. together.
Though i suppose i sound positive and a little happy right now. i'm not. this is exactly what you see when i'm struggling to cope. I'm even starting to lose my composure at work now. And after another horrible fight with steven last night, i just hate myself more.
It's hard digging yourself out of a hole when you can't see the top.
Though i don't think it will be for awhile. maybe, if we can plan something then maybe we can all get through this together knowing that we all have something good to look forward to. together.
Though i suppose i sound positive and a little happy right now. i'm not. this is exactly what you see when i'm struggling to cope. I'm even starting to lose my composure at work now. And after another horrible fight with steven last night, i just hate myself more.
It's hard digging yourself out of a hole when you can't see the top.
Monday, June 6
Sometimes
It just gets all too much. I'm sick of pretending. sick of lying. I can't keep this false mask of security. It's too hard now.
I'm not ok
I'm not happy
i'm completely alone in this stupid world and no one cares a little bit.
I have no friends, i have no family i can see.
those friends i did have are all gone. No one talks to me anymore. no one asks me to hang out, or go to the movies, to have a sleepover. I haven't been to a party in ages. No one's invited me.
And if i removed all the people who would actually talk to me on facebook, i would say i would have less than 10 people left there. And not even all them would talk to me, they are just people i would leave in a kind of respect.
hell in the last 2 weeks. As far as i can remember. I have only got texts from 4 different people and 1 phone call. Call from my mum, texts from Mum, Dad, my 'boyfriend'/room mate and matthew.
pretty sad.
and i think the only people to talk to me on facebook has been my dad, mum and matthew.
i love my job. but nothing else is worth it. i'm miserable. i'm alone. and i'm sick of kidding myself that my life is going to end up better, that i'm going to make up for having done nothing. i know it's not.
I'm not ok
I'm not happy
i'm completely alone in this stupid world and no one cares a little bit.
I have no friends, i have no family i can see.
those friends i did have are all gone. No one talks to me anymore. no one asks me to hang out, or go to the movies, to have a sleepover. I haven't been to a party in ages. No one's invited me.
And if i removed all the people who would actually talk to me on facebook, i would say i would have less than 10 people left there. And not even all them would talk to me, they are just people i would leave in a kind of respect.
hell in the last 2 weeks. As far as i can remember. I have only got texts from 4 different people and 1 phone call. Call from my mum, texts from Mum, Dad, my 'boyfriend'/room mate and matthew.
pretty sad.
and i think the only people to talk to me on facebook has been my dad, mum and matthew.
i love my job. but nothing else is worth it. i'm miserable. i'm alone. and i'm sick of kidding myself that my life is going to end up better, that i'm going to make up for having done nothing. i know it's not.
Wednesday, May 25
War on Eczema: Day 01
"Eczema is a term used to describe a number of skin conditions that commonly cause the skin to become inflamed, irritated or worse. Eczema, also known as dermatitis, irritates skin all over the body and is almost always itchy and often leaves the skin feeling dry, rough, flaky and extremely uncomfortable."
A bit of background first:
I had eczema for a little while as a kid and never had any problems with it again till about a year ago. my brother however got it way worse than me but his has cleared up now (i think), according to some sites it's possible that it is genetic. For about 2 or 3 years i have had a tiny spot of rash on the inside on my left(?) arm but nothing happened with it for a long time. somewhere between 1 and 2 years ago another spot appeared on the other arm and then nothing, again, for awhile. I can't be very accurate which when i first got it because i didn't really notice it for awhile and i'm terrible at remembering some things. I can tell you that it has progressively gotten worse since about March/May of last year.
It travelled slowly at first, just staying in a rather dense patch in each elbow bend then spreading out along the inside of my arm. It is now approximately spread 10cm above and 5cm below my elbow bend on my left arm and the opposite for the right. About a week into starting in the butchery (about 11th April) it moved onto my hands. It now takes up about 1/3 to 1/2 of the back of each hand. i also have a small patch beside my right knee which seems to come a go.
My eczema is itchier more days than others, most of the time it now stays a colour close to my skins but when it's a bad day it gets bright red and bleeds (because i itch it... i know, i shouldn't) At the moment it is in between but getting worse because i've been thinking about it for several hours now. I would like to take pictures for myself just to see a comparison later on if it does get better, though right now it's not really showing up on my crappy phone camera too well.
My brother got prescribed Hydrocortisone cream back in 2009 for his eczema and he gave it to me to use since he doesn't need it anymore. The cream helps, it stops it itching as much and cools it a little but it hasn't made it go away. i have gotten so fend up with constantly being itching i'm (nearly) willing to try anything to make it better. Which is what this whole thing is about.
Day 01
I was looking online about eczema and ways to treat it. Most sites suggested that it is caused by dry or sensitive skin. I already know i have dry skin so it makes sense. I would also like to point out that sensitive skin runs in my family, my dad can only a couple of soaps and my brother had a bad reaction to some powder in disposable gloves which they used at Mcdonalds (where he worked at the time) For years my skin has also gotten itchy whenever i have a shower (with or without: shampoo/conditioner/any soap)
Most sites therefore suggested that you should use a pH neutral/balanced soap free wash, moisturiser and a fragrance free laundry powder. After looking into it a bit more, the products which would be most beneficial cost a lot and you can only buy at a chemist. I continued looking and found some more affordable alternatives you can find in a supermarket.
So for $17.97 i got:
Palmolive Naturals Shower milk, milk and honey 500ml ($3.99)
This claims to be 100% soap free, pH balanced, Dermatologically tested and enough for 100+ washes. (the second two sounding like useless marketing bull to me) It smells really nice too. Another interesting note, is that Palmolive was one of the few liquid soaps i found that didn't give me severe itching after a shower (except the weird 'oxygen' blue one with bubbles)
Vaseline dry skin conditioning lotion 375ml ($6.99)
Nothing really on the bottle about possibly helping eczema, i just have vaguely heard it's a good moisturiser and that's what was suggested i get to help. Though the added vitamins A, E and B5 might help! (*cough bull cough*)
Earthwise super concentrate laundry powder 1 kg ($6.99)
This is 'fragrance free for sensitive skin' this was also suggested by many sites. Other possible benefits could be; that it is plant and mineral based; phosphate, nitrate, chlorine and ammonia free; has biodegradable surfactants; GE free; No animal testing; Recyclable; New Zealand made; donates 10c to red cross Christchurch earthquake appeal; and most importantly comes in a fancy recycled cardboard box, printed with vegetable inks AND the scoop is recyclable.
It would probably also be worthwhile noting that all these were brought on sale because of fate, having a onecard and because i don't want to use up all my money.
I think this blog post is WAY too long now and i doubt anyone will read all of this, if you have congratulations you are probably the second most bored person in the world (first being myself for writing this). I'll let you know how i go when i use this stuff and if i notice a change.
A bit of background first:
I had eczema for a little while as a kid and never had any problems with it again till about a year ago. my brother however got it way worse than me but his has cleared up now (i think), according to some sites it's possible that it is genetic. For about 2 or 3 years i have had a tiny spot of rash on the inside on my left(?) arm but nothing happened with it for a long time. somewhere between 1 and 2 years ago another spot appeared on the other arm and then nothing, again, for awhile. I can't be very accurate which when i first got it because i didn't really notice it for awhile and i'm terrible at remembering some things. I can tell you that it has progressively gotten worse since about March/May of last year.
It travelled slowly at first, just staying in a rather dense patch in each elbow bend then spreading out along the inside of my arm. It is now approximately spread 10cm above and 5cm below my elbow bend on my left arm and the opposite for the right. About a week into starting in the butchery (about 11th April) it moved onto my hands. It now takes up about 1/3 to 1/2 of the back of each hand. i also have a small patch beside my right knee which seems to come a go.
My eczema is itchier more days than others, most of the time it now stays a colour close to my skins but when it's a bad day it gets bright red and bleeds (because i itch it... i know, i shouldn't) At the moment it is in between but getting worse because i've been thinking about it for several hours now. I would like to take pictures for myself just to see a comparison later on if it does get better, though right now it's not really showing up on my crappy phone camera too well.
My brother got prescribed Hydrocortisone cream back in 2009 for his eczema and he gave it to me to use since he doesn't need it anymore. The cream helps, it stops it itching as much and cools it a little but it hasn't made it go away. i have gotten so fend up with constantly being itching i'm (nearly) willing to try anything to make it better. Which is what this whole thing is about.
Day 01
I was looking online about eczema and ways to treat it. Most sites suggested that it is caused by dry or sensitive skin. I already know i have dry skin so it makes sense. I would also like to point out that sensitive skin runs in my family, my dad can only a couple of soaps and my brother had a bad reaction to some powder in disposable gloves which they used at Mcdonalds (where he worked at the time) For years my skin has also gotten itchy whenever i have a shower (with or without: shampoo/conditioner/any soap)
Most sites therefore suggested that you should use a pH neutral/balanced soap free wash, moisturiser and a fragrance free laundry powder. After looking into it a bit more, the products which would be most beneficial cost a lot and you can only buy at a chemist. I continued looking and found some more affordable alternatives you can find in a supermarket.
So for $17.97 i got:
Palmolive Naturals Shower milk, milk and honey 500ml ($3.99)
This claims to be 100% soap free, pH balanced, Dermatologically tested and enough for 100+ washes. (the second two sounding like useless marketing bull to me) It smells really nice too. Another interesting note, is that Palmolive was one of the few liquid soaps i found that didn't give me severe itching after a shower (except the weird 'oxygen' blue one with bubbles)
Vaseline dry skin conditioning lotion 375ml ($6.99)
Nothing really on the bottle about possibly helping eczema, i just have vaguely heard it's a good moisturiser and that's what was suggested i get to help. Though the added vitamins A, E and B5 might help! (*cough bull cough*)
Earthwise super concentrate laundry powder 1 kg ($6.99)
This is 'fragrance free for sensitive skin' this was also suggested by many sites. Other possible benefits could be; that it is plant and mineral based; phosphate, nitrate, chlorine and ammonia free; has biodegradable surfactants; GE free; No animal testing; Recyclable; New Zealand made; donates 10c to red cross Christchurch earthquake appeal; and most importantly comes in a fancy recycled cardboard box, printed with vegetable inks AND the scoop is recyclable.
It would probably also be worthwhile noting that all these were brought on sale because of fate, having a onecard and because i don't want to use up all my money.
I think this blog post is WAY too long now and i doubt anyone will read all of this, if you have congratulations you are probably the second most bored person in the world (first being myself for writing this). I'll let you know how i go when i use this stuff and if i notice a change.
Wednesday, May 11
Well this is awkward
I haven't posted in sooooo long. Partly because i have been busy, partly because i'm lazy and mainly because time has just zapped past so quickly. I'm already half way through my time in butchery and it's may! last time i checked i was still moping everyday about having left home and dwelling on regrets about the past year or so.
I think i have finally entered the realm of adulthood. All my time in the day is spent on working, eating and sleeping with the occasional spot of playing games.
My to do list is also growing longer and longer with every day and i have no way of really catching up with it. I have so many books which i've bought and are just lying around the floor waiting to be read. Me and steven haven't done the dishes properly in about a week now (i think longer), we just rinse off whatever we need at the time. There is both dirty and clean clothes discarded around the room, dust and paper building up where ever it can and soooo many other things which just haven't managed to find their own spot. I should really invest in some things to help organise the place, though the laundry basket i bought the other week has done very little to help, perhaps i need a third one.
At least i'm cooking dinner a little bit more, which is a start. I made lasagne which has lasted 3 days and a roast on the weekend which lasted 2. I got some little plastic (...OMG LIGHTENING...) containers because i had a genius idea to freeze a whole lot of meals in the weekend to consume over the week, another thing which hasn't ended up happening.
It REALLY doesn't help with steven being so god damn lazy either, i'm at least trying to sort our shit out. He is only interested in computer games and having 'his relaxation time' which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but when i barely see him and when i do he barely even looks at me or him just plain no doing anything to help around the place, it gets bloody annoying.
It's a struggle to even get him to serve up dinner after i've spent an hour or two cooking it. Goddamnit he even left out the left over lasagne AGAIN! so scratch what i said earlier, it only lasted 2 meals...... bloody waste.
I'm really having my doubts. I love him and he's a good friend, but that's about where it stops now. He's not keeping up with our agreement of me paying rent and him the food as i buy it all now. We don't even go out to do things. To be honest though, i don't think he has much money because he is doing shit at his job and now he's considering heading back to uni and working part time.
Sometimes i really think it's best if we go our own ways if he doesn't grow up very quickly. i feel more like his mother a lot of the time.
anyway i need a nap and have to finish a list of stuff i had planned to get done today.
Take care
I think i have finally entered the realm of adulthood. All my time in the day is spent on working, eating and sleeping with the occasional spot of playing games.
My to do list is also growing longer and longer with every day and i have no way of really catching up with it. I have so many books which i've bought and are just lying around the floor waiting to be read. Me and steven haven't done the dishes properly in about a week now (i think longer), we just rinse off whatever we need at the time. There is both dirty and clean clothes discarded around the room, dust and paper building up where ever it can and soooo many other things which just haven't managed to find their own spot. I should really invest in some things to help organise the place, though the laundry basket i bought the other week has done very little to help, perhaps i need a third one.
At least i'm cooking dinner a little bit more, which is a start. I made lasagne which has lasted 3 days and a roast on the weekend which lasted 2. I got some little plastic (...OMG LIGHTENING...) containers because i had a genius idea to freeze a whole lot of meals in the weekend to consume over the week, another thing which hasn't ended up happening.
It REALLY doesn't help with steven being so god damn lazy either, i'm at least trying to sort our shit out. He is only interested in computer games and having 'his relaxation time' which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but when i barely see him and when i do he barely even looks at me or him just plain no doing anything to help around the place, it gets bloody annoying.
It's a struggle to even get him to serve up dinner after i've spent an hour or two cooking it. Goddamnit he even left out the left over lasagne AGAIN! so scratch what i said earlier, it only lasted 2 meals...... bloody waste.
I'm really having my doubts. I love him and he's a good friend, but that's about where it stops now. He's not keeping up with our agreement of me paying rent and him the food as i buy it all now. We don't even go out to do things. To be honest though, i don't think he has much money because he is doing shit at his job and now he's considering heading back to uni and working part time.
Sometimes i really think it's best if we go our own ways if he doesn't grow up very quickly. i feel more like his mother a lot of the time.
anyway i need a nap and have to finish a list of stuff i had planned to get done today.
Take care
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